


Stuck

by igi_pigi



Category: Cricket RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-10-17 06:42:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10588539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igi_pigi/pseuds/igi_pigi
Summary: It is high time Virat Kohli grows up, and accepts the fact that he isn't 10 anymore, wishes MS Dhoni.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Bhaiya" is just a term of endearment for elder brother in Northern India, not MS Dhoni's nickname or anything.
> 
> English translation in dialogues side by side.
> 
> Set on 18 Jan 2017.

Virat Kohli opens the refrigerator in the hotel lobby and takes out a chilled Pepsi bottle. Shikhar Dhawan is quick to predict that this very action will be the cause of him not being able to speak a word tomorrow as a result of a sore throat.

Shikhar is not too far off the mark, as it is late on a freezing January night in the quiet town of Cuttack. All the players are walking to their rooms after dinner and a long socializing session that followed.

Having won the first ODI of the 3 match series against England mere 2 days ago in Pune, the team is in good spirits. Especially the new captain, who welcomed the role with a century, akin to his test captaincy debut.

Virat acknowledges Shikhar's prophecy by not responding at all. Instead, he looks on towards MS Dhoni who is casually chatting with a waiter. When MS' realises Virat's eyes on him and looks up, he cocks his head towards the main door of the hotel and begins walking outside.

Of course. Of course he wants to go out on a walk and drink chilled cold drink in biting cold. That too, when they have an international match to be a part of tomorrow. He's so getting a sore throat. MS shakes his head, takes the waiter's leave and follows Virat outside.

Virat doesn't thank him for giving him company or say anything for that matter. He keeps walking quietly, looking around the silent, barren surroundings of the hotel. And MS is looking at the water droplets forming on the cold drink bottle in Virat's hand.

Some 2 weeks ago, he would have casually told him to not drink chilled soda like that. But things have changed now. His little brother is now the captain of the Indian Cricket Team across all formats - a title MS had held since before Virat had debuted even.

Virat is 8 years younger than him, but in no way inexperienced, aided greatly by the 2 years of test captaincy. Took his team to the no. 1 ranking and what a monster run he had had with the bat recently. So naturally, he became the most worthy player to be handed over the reins when MS stepped down.

And MS was maybe subconsciously expecting some sort of talk between him and Virat regarding that, when they met for this series, at training sessions, right before the first match, in between it, or even after it. But Virat initiated none. Even now, he is too engrossed in enjoying the cold winter night and the eerie silence of a small town to talk about anything, it seems.

All MS wishes to know is if he is coping with the added responsibility well, as most people don't. Because MS so wants to help him out if he isn't. But he just can't bring himself to ask the simple question. He can't help but feel a shift in their dynamic now.

Heck, he can't even bring himself to tell him to not drink frozen cold drink as it might make him sick. He feels like it's not his place as an ordinary member of the team to tell the captain what he should and shouldn't do - however cliched that might sound. Besides, he is mature enough to know what suits him. He wouldn't have it had he not thought himself to be able to handle it.

"Pehli baar nahi pi raha hu! [ _Not the first time I'm drinking cold drink!_ ]" Virat snaps him out of his thoughts. Was his petty concern so evident?

"Maine kahan kuch kaha. [ _I didn't say anything._ ]" MS responds with a straight face, deciding to be casual about it.

Virat smiles at that, and says "Par soch toh rahe the na. [ _But you sure were thinking about it!_ ]" letting him know that he is well aware of what MS is onto.

MS smiles to himself. Virat seems to be in a great mood, this can be a good time to know his thoughts on the new captaincy as well. As he braces himself to initiate the talk, Virat's phone rings; so he holds back until he silences it and puts it back in his pocket. He vaguely gives a thought to who could be calling him at this hour and who could it be that Virat would ignore it like that. But he continues with what he had intended anyway.

"Nahi nahi, theek hai. [ _No, it's fine actually._ ]" he says as nonchalantly as he can. "Tera workload badh gaya hai, aur ye tera tareeka hai relax karne ka. [ _Your workload has increased, and this is your way to relax._ ]"

Virat smirks and looks away. Maybe he didn't get the point. MS might have to try a bit differently.

"Tere liye toh same hi hoga sab wese. [ _But I guess it's more or less the same for you._ ]"

No response; and his silence stings more in the dead quietness of the street.

"Mai toh kaafi free ho gaya hu. Time hi time hota hai ab- [ _Me though, I've gotten so free lately. It's like I've got all the time-_ ]"

"Bhaiya mujhe samajh aa raha hai aap kya kar rahe ho. So please, ruk jao. [ _Bhaiya I am totally getting what you're doing here. So please, stop._ ]" he cuts him off, finally speaking and stopping MS' train. So he was understanding everything, just not giving in. Asshole.

"Toh bol kyu nahi raha hai? [ _Then why don't you get to it?_ ]" MS calls him out. "Hadd hai yaar teri! [ _Seriously, you are the limit!_ ]"

"Kya bolu? [ _What do you want me to say?_ ]" Virat snaps, equally irritated. "Sab theek hai. Jesa hota hai, wese hi hai sab. Aur kya? [ _Everything's alright. Things are the way they were. What else?_ ]"

MS isn't sure what to make of this vague answer. Even after such prodding, he has got nothing to say. "Achi baat hai phir toh! [ _That's great then!_ ]" MS puts an end to the discussion.

Virat again takes out his ringing phone to mute it and puts it back. Okay, who is trying to anger him at this time of the night and why doesn't he put his phone on silent once and for all?

"Ek baar hi silent pe kar de. [ _Just put it on silent altogether._ ]" MS advices him, but then comes up with a better reasoning, "Tu meri wajah se nahi utha raha kya? [ _Or are you not picking it because of me?_ ]"

"Aisa ho sakta hai? [ _You really think that?_ ]" Virat puts his conspiracy to rest.

"Phir? [ _Then why?_ ]"

"Aapko kya hai? [ _What is it to you?_ ]" He again snaps at MS. The sudden, extreme defensiveness tells him that the call was obviously from his girlfriend and he is not picking it for some godforsaken reason, because their relationship is another level of complicated. And MS really, really doesn't want to know the screwed up details.

Even if it's not her, the truth of the matter is that someone is calling him so late at night. It can be an emergency for all they know. So his issues with people caring for him aside, he should pick it up.

"Itni raat ko koi kar raha hai. Tujhe utha lena chahiye. [ _Someone's trying to reach you at this hour, I think you should pick it up._ ]" MS tells him seriously.

"Ye aap toh mat hi bolo. [ _You're the one to talk._ ]" Virat is quick to turn the tide on him. MS should have thought about how his own habit of not picking calls would be used against him while giving out an advice like that.

"Meri baat aur hai. [ _My case is so not this._ ]" Because in his defense, he never has his phone on him. And it's always on silent. He doesn't even have it on him right now. So that does not qualify as actively ignoring people, even though Virat would disagree.

"Haan zarur. [ _Yeah sure._ ]" He does, but not without making a quip. "Humara kya hai, aap nahi uthate toh hum Sakshi se hi do meethi baate kar lete hain. [ _I'm chill though, if you don't pick up, I get to talk around with Sakshi._ ]" He even winks at MS after his graceful comment.

"Saale tharki! [ _You Bastard!_ ]" MS playfully slaps his shoulder. He is obviously joking. Is he?

Virat finally gets to opening the Pepsi bottle he had been carrying in his hand. He cracks open the seal and offers it to MS. And MS promptly asks him to drink first. Because if there is one thing he has learned after knowing Virat for a decade, it's that he cannot be trusted with things like these.

He had put Chilli sauce in Shikhar's noodles when what the poor guy had asked for was Soya sauce. Absolute scenes followed. And MS is wise enough to not eat/drink/sniff anything this trickster offers, that too when they are alone in a dark, dingy alley.

"Arre kuch nahi milaya, aapke saamne hi toh seal todi. [ _Haven't poisoned it, I even broke the seal in front of you._ ]" Virat tries to ease his doubts.

And he does make a valid point. He couldn't have altered it in any way if the seal was intact. But all MS can think of is the time when Virat had put tomato sauce in Ajinkya Rahane's orange juice. Poor Jinks!

"Toh phir tujhe peene me kya problem hai? [ _Then you shouldn't have an issue in drinking it first?_ ]" MS asks suspiciously.

Virat sighs and mumbles something about there not being enough trust in the world, and takes a generous swig from the bottle, which, MS thinks, he did just to spite him. Which, MS also thinks, he really shouldn't have, given the drink is essentially frozen.

Virat winces after gulping that down and MS shakes his head. But he doesn't deny when he is offered the drink this time. This food item is definitely safe.

While he is handing the bottle back, Virat's phone rings again. This is MS' chance. He needs to make sure it is really her calling and not just someone from the hotel trying to check up on them before he goes off on Virat for being an insensitive prick.

He pushes Virat's other hand out of his way and peaks into his phone, completely startling him. Virat, catching on with what just happened and why MS did that, looks back at him with sheer anger and irritation.

MS is certain he is not making out of this alley alive, but he did manage to sneak through. He saw the name 'Nushie' and there was even something the kids call 'contact picture' on the screen which was her posing with a dog, her dog maybe.

So MS was right all along. Which is probably why he is getting this look of pure hatred from Virat right now. But that doesn't change the fact that he has been an absolute jerk to the poor girl who has been calling him relentlessly. MS looks at him and shakes his his head in disapproval.

Virat's face softens immediately, as if disappointed in himself to have let MS down. He hesitates for a moment and says, "It's a pity call." as if that explains everything.

"What even is a pity call?" MS doesn't wait for his response. "-Dekh mujhe nahi pata. Bas, ye galat hai. Kuch important hoga yaar. [- _Look, I don't wanna know. What I do know is that this is wrong. It might be something important bud._ ]"

"Jese jo log aapko call karte hain. [ _Like it is for people who call you._ ]" He again turns it on MS instead of introspecting his own shitty behavior towards someone who cares for him for the nth time. That is some solid defense mechanism right there. But MS won't let go. He resolves to trying a different approach yet another time in this single night.

These two are so on and off, maybe he can ask the current status of their relationship. It isn't too personal a question that Virat won't tell his friend. And maybe that way he can get him to open up about the purpose of the supposed 'pity call'.

"Okay. Okay." He puts both his hands up to his chest and starts out fresh, speaking clearly, "Kya mai itna puch sakta hu ki... [ _Can I ask if_...]" Well, if only he had thought through the wording of the risky question. "Matlab kya scene- I mean... [ _I mean what is the scene- I mean_...]"

Virat shoots him a look but answers anyway. "Haven't talked in about a week. So, I don't know." He faces away, but turns back to add, "Anymore." and takes another sip of the cola.

But that's not on. That's not off either. What is it then? MS realises his mistake, he shouldn't have tread into toxic waters. So he tries to make up with a witty joke.

"7 days - and you haven't slit your wrists yet! Buddy, that's progress."

Virat gives him a fake smile. Uh oh.

"Touché... Kisi aur ne kaha hota na, bata diya hota. [ _Touché... Had someone else made this comment, they wouldn't be leaving here alive._ ]" he says ever so politely.

"Sorry." MS is quick to apologise, mentally berating himself for trying to lighten things up. He is never speaking again.

"Ye phone usi ne diya hai. [ _She had gifted this phone to me._ ]" Virat surprises him. And MS isn't sure what was the point of telling that particular fact. Because he never shares his personal life with anyone, so maybe right now he felt like he could. But truth be told, he is just giving MS fodder to chastise him some more.

"That's great! That makes you even more of an asshole." MS says honestly.

Virat chuckles at that. Oh so the blatant jab is funny to him but the obvious joke wasn't? Amazing.

MS fights urges to smack him on the head when Virat again pulls out his phone to silence it for, how many times has it been now? The very phone she had gifted him! He could have muted it altogether, but MS can see the sick pleasure he is getting silencing it every time. And MS can't help feel sorry for the poor girl caring for this douchebag, calling incessantly, not giving up on him.

Feeling helpless, he attempts to divert his own attention. "Actually that reminds me," he starts out, trying to sound casual, "Kuch le jana tha bacho k liye. [ _I wanted to get something for the kids._ ]"

He completely misses the look of utter shock on Virat's face as he further muses, "Par yahan toh kuch hai hi nai. Calcutta me dekhenge. [ _But there isn't much here. Will see if I can find something in Calcutta._ ]"

When he does turn towards Virat and sees him staring at him wide eyed, he quickly goes over whatever he just said and realises he used the plural for 'children'.

"I included the dogs." He explains himself.

Do not say "kids" if you have only one child, you will freak people out, he scolds himself.

Virat, meanwhile, is smiling expectantly at him. "Mujhe laga... [ _I thought_...]"

"Nope."

"You might not know."

"I know."

His one misplaced word made Virat think that he is expecting his second child. And he looks pretty excited about it, even though MS has denied every possibility of such.

"Wese plan hai aage? [ _So do you plan for in the future?_ ]" he asks cautiously, careful to not overstep boundaries.

"Bhai mere ko wo ek hi bohot lagti hai. [ _Bro that one kiddo is more than enough for me to handle._ ]" MS tells him the truth. "Do teen ho gaye toh mai toh pagal hi ho jaaunga. Par Sakshi toh chahti hai. [ _If I have 2-3 kids, I think I'll lose it. But Sakshi definitely wishes to._ ]"

Virat nods and asks again, "Aur aap? [ _And what about you?_ ]"

Cute how he thinks the husband can have a say when the Mrs. has already decided on something. This is exactly what these bachelors don't get.

"If god willing..." MS surprises himself with his own answer. He thinks about it, and adds, "Fatherhood is a blessing."

Virat has a bittersweet smile on his face as he turns away so MS won't see. But MS did see it. He knows how much Virat craves a normal life and a family. And the realisation that he is nowhere close to that is very disheartening indeed. MS decides to not say anything and leave it as such.

They walk quietly for a while, taking in the noiseless surroundings. They had made sure to walk around in circles around the hotel because none are familiar with the routes of this particular town. And MS is glad he is in close proximity of the hotel, because the streets look dead, not a soul in sight. One closed shop, if it can be called that, has the duet song from the 1952 movie 'Jaal' on radio while the owner sleeps beside it. The beautiful melody somehow blends into the haunting silence of the night, instead of filling it.

Virat is humming along as they walk by. He too, like MS, prefers olden songs over today's music. Of course he is loving all of this. MS, however, is indifferent.

"Yehi toh khaasiat hai chhote shehro ki. [ _See that's the speciality of small towns._ ]" He says casually, because this is no different than Ranchi. "Feels abandoned."

"Are you kidding me?" Virat objects, and MS knows why. "It's awesome. The calm and serenity..." He looks around. "Dilli me kahan! [ _Impossible in Delhi!_ ]"

MS gets it, yes. The hustle and bustle of the metropolitan city makes Virat think that the peace here is rare. But it's not. It's every small town's story. And having lived in one all his life, MS doesn't find anything special about it. Virat's child-like fascination is amazing to see nonetheless.

"A place doesn't have to be scenic to be beautiful, you know what I mean?" He grins at MS, making him forget in a jiffy why he wanted to smack him just moments ago. "Hidden places, barren lands that are dead quiet. The idea that no one's been here before, no one's seen this, but me. I am the only one experiencing this."

MS stops in his tracks, literally and figuratively. Those jumbled sentences surprisingly made sense. What was in his Pepsi?

He only smiles and nods and continues walking, not wanting to ruin the moment by saying anything.

As they start walking towards to hotel, the damn phone rings again. It had been long enough this time that MS thought she had given up, for good.

Knowing this will get ugly, MS Dhoni takes a deep breath and looks at Virat Kohli.

"Virat, pick the call."

He is evidently surprised at that tone. But instead of asking what or why, Virat again takes a quip at him, "Aapko badi hamdardi ho rahi hai! [ _I have to say, you are pretty empathetic towards her!_ ]"

He displays the screen in front of him and cuts the call instead of silencing it. Again, just to spite him. But what a douche move!

Up until now, she could have told herself that he genuinely didn't have his phone with him, making her calls go unanswered. But that is out of the equation now.

"Kuch emergency ho sakti h. [ _It can be an emergency for all we know._ ]" MS asserts himself. He knows Virat doesn't want to hear this. "Itni der se wo call kar rahi hai, kitni tension hogi usse. Lekin kya kar sakte hain aapki ego k saamne! [ _She has been calling you all night long, just how stressed would she be right now. But nothing can really be done when it comes to your ego!_ ]"

Virat looks back at him with narrowed eyes.

"Aap hote kon ho ye bolne waale? [ _Who the hell are you to say that?_ ]" He counters back, voice raised, anger taking over. "Aapko pata hai kya hai humare beech? [ _You know what goes on between the two of us?_ ]"

Well, time to step back and apologise for showing him the mirror. He clearly said that to hurt MS. And this is what he does all the time. He goes ahead and hurts the people who care for him, well aware of his actions. Even when he doesn't have a lot of such people in his life. And still, he refuses to change his ways. He is always so mean and hurtful and...

"Kyuki ye iss ek phone call ki baat nahi hai. [ _Because it's not about this one phone call._ ]" MS can't stop himself now. "Tu hamesha ese hi karta hai, har kisi k saath. You deliberately hurt and push people away. [ _You do this all the time, to everyone around you. You deliberately hurt and push people away._ ]"

Virat looks back, clueless. Of course.

"Abhi tune hi kaha ki usne baat nahi ki ek hafte se. Ab jab wo kar rahi hai toh tu phone nahi utha raha. Mara ja raha hai baat karne k liye, din gin raha hai. Lekin phone nahi uthaenge. [ _You just said that she hasn't talked to you in a week. Now that she is trying to, you decide to not pick the call. Clearly dying to talk to her, counting days and what not. But nope, not gonna pick the damn phone._ ]" MS explains him the best he can.

Softening a bit, he adds, "You're just giving her reasons... It's like you want to hurt yourself."

He is bracing for a rage filled outburst for calling him out like that, but it doesn't come. Instead, Virat has his eyes fixated on the ground.

"What is it to you?" A weak voice, almost a mumble, asks back.

MS sighs and animatedly facepalms himself, however embarrising as it may be for Virat. "You just don't get it, do you?"

He carefully enunciates his next words, completely humiliating the kid. "Because I am one of the very few people who care about you. And we are all worried for you."

MS doesn't even care for a response from him at this point, or the fact that he looks like he is about to cry, while he looks everywhere but not towards MS. He has had it with Virat.

"Mai tere ko ye saaf saaf batay de raha hu, kyuki koi aur toh bolega hai nahi - tu ek ziddi, dheet bache k barabar hai. Har baat me bachpana. Maano tu bada hona hi nahi chahta. Aur har kisi ko teri zid k saamne jhukna hi padta hai. [ _I am gonna say this to your face, because no one else will have the guts to - you are equivalent of a petulant, stubborn child. Such insane childishness all the time. It's like you don't want to grow up. And everyone just has to bend to your bullheadedness._ ]"

Feeling a strange sense of relief after getting that off his chest, he gets to asking the real questions.

"Ye bachpana kab chhorega tu? Ya hamesha ese hi rehna hai? Mai kab tak tere piche ghoomta rahu? Abhi ye haal hai tera... Mere baad akele kya karega? [ _Do you ever plan to grow up? Or are you going to stay like this forever? Just how long can I keep running around you? And if this is what you are with me around... What are you gonna do without me when you are left on your own?_ ]"

Even though picking up fights and giving quirky responses is his thing, MS knows Virat has no answers to these. He finally lowers his voice. "You're not 10 anymore, Virat. You're 28, act like it."

Because no matter how mad MS may be at him, he loves him and only wishes the best for him. This outburst was still only to get through to the recipient of it. A violent means, but MS really wasn't left with any choice.

He looks around to make sure no one saw whatever just transpired, and notices the hotel in view. He turns back towards Virat. Chest heaving with erratic breathing and eyes red and glossy - is he crying? Holy shit, he really is crying. Virat is blinking back tears, and all MS can think of is that he has no idea what to do now.

He expected Virat to get angry, to justify himself. He could have shout back at him. Hell, MS would have endured some beating too, if he wished to go down that road. But this? He tries to think of what he does when Ziva cries, and remembers that he is utterly useless whenever that happens.

He takes a step forward, outstretches his hand towards Virat, and tries to speak up, speak anything, only to realise that he is truly at a loss for words.

Despite fervent blinking, a tear rolls down Virat's cheek. He doesn't wipe it away, as MS would have thought. "You already did that." MS hears Virat say, voice low.

"Han?" MS clearly heard that, but what could that mean?

Virat finally looks up to look MS in the eye.

"You left me on my own when you quit like cowards 2 years ago." He repeats for him. His voice is still low, but his words are more than clear when he speaks next, still holding his gaze.

"And who the fuck do you think you are? You don't matter. I've been alone all my life. I'll be fine, thanks for your concern."

Virat walks past him, throwing the still half filled cold drink bottle in the trash can nearby and walking away to the hotel. And MS is left stranded in the empty street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that was mentioned - www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAOoA_EbASY


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cameo by Yuvraj Singh. 'Cheeku' is Virat's nickname by the way.

Every word Virat had said hurt, ringing in MS' head like a siren. But he wasn't mad at him. He deserved it for hurting him like that. He deserved all of it.

No matter what his intent was, it means absolutely nothing if he ends up hurting his little brother. He is still a kiddo. And he has so few people who he can open up to. If even MS would turn his back on him, where would he go?

He can tell himself all he wants that Virat's words were just anger and he didn't mean it. But deep down he knows that's not true.

But the one thing MS really cannot let go is that he hadn't realised what he did to Virat when he quit the test captaincy out of blue. It was a shock for everyone, an impulse decision on his part as well. But an important one, that he had to take.

He knew that Virat would carry the team fine, better than him even. Still, it was his mistake to not hint it to his vice captain of what's to come. He remembers all the times Virat had mentioned to others that he "was at sea" in his first few tests as the captain, feeling helpless and not knowing what to do, not having plan Bs...

MS abandoned him. And despite his hurt, Virat had never spoken just how much it hit him. Until yesterday.

MS is lost in his thoughts as he makes his way to the hotel lobby the next morning. They are leaving for their 2nd ODI against England.

He hears few chatting noises as he approaches the lobby. He is hopeful one of them would be Virat. When they are in view, he notices that everyone has already got themselves on the team bus, barring Yuvraj Singh and Ravindra Jadeja - and there is Virat! MS lights up.

Although Virat has his back towards him, meaning he is unaware of his presence. And MS can't see his face either. So he doesn't know if he is mad or angry right now. Yuvi and Jaddu are casually chatting with each other while Virat is searching for something in his bag - hence the wait up.

Both lefties nod at him as MS walks in, but he stays a bit far away from them, not wanting to alert Virat of his presence. Shikhar Dhawan appears out of nowhere, makes a quirky comment about Virat not speaking today because of a sore throat - as he had predicted last night, winks at Virat, and leaves. Only if he knew.

Virat has a curt smile on his face at Shikhar's remark. And now that MS can see his face - oh boy! He looks like a vampire. Those big, big eyes of his are like an open book. He can't hide anything even if he wanted to. And the lines under them aren't helping either. He looks miserable.

And there seems to a fresh red bruise on his collarbone, that he keeps pulling his jacket to hide. Now, how can one practically injure himself there? That's impossible. Just what did he do? Is he okay? He doesn't look okay.

Virat quickly looks down and resumes his search in his bag as soon as he sees MS. MS hopes it is eye drops that he is searching for in there, for his sake. Because it won't be long until someone else notices too. And just as he was thinking that, Yuvi's expressions change at the sight of Virat. So that means he was hiding his face all this while!

"Teri aankhe laal kyu ho rahi hain? Soya nahi kya? [ _Why are your eyes red? Didn't sleep well?_ ]" Yuvi asks, albeit casually. Only if he knew.

Well, he gotta speak now, doesn't he? He is being asked something, he has to answer. But that opportunity is comprehensively ruined as Jaddu chips in with his valuable assessment.

"Aisa kya kar raha tha? [ _What exactly were you doing that didn't involve sleep?_ ]" He asks with a smug smile. God, these 12 year olds with their petty sexual innuendos. MS rolls his eyes.

Virat has a coy smile this time, more on Jaddu's assumption than on what he did. And MS doesn't want to think even for a second how Virat's last night would have been. Murdering hotel staff, punching walls, crying into the pillow - it ranges to all of those.

Virat closes his bag and starts moving towards the door, the other two follow his lead. This is MS' chance.

"Virat?"

MS knows that he has heard him and chosen to ignore him as he doesn't stop.

"Virat?" He calls again. Yuvi and Jaddu's eyes on Virat make him stop this time. He turns slightly as MS approaches, while they both leave, assuming MS and Virat will be behind them.

Virat, even though turned to face him, is avoiding eye contact, and pulls his jacket again. Kid thinks MS didn't catch that red hot bruise.

Okay, if he attacks you, let him, MS braces himself. He speaks carefully, "Sorry... Kal kuch zada hi bol dia maine. [ _Sorry... I spoke more than I should have._ ]"

Virat's looks around and behind him to make sure no one is there. MS' eyes stay only on him.

"Galti ho gayi. Aur mai dill se maafi maang raha hu. [ _I overstepped, my mistake. And sincerest apologies brother, from the heart._ ]"

Virat is still not looking his way, and all MS can see is his big, red eyes.

"Mai bhi nahi soya raat bhar. [ _Even I didn't sleep the night._ ]" MS lets him know. Virat's body language becomes even more defensive at that.

Before he can say anything, Yuvraj comes back to take the headphones left on one of the tables there. He does look at both of them suspiciously but doesn't say anything.

As soon as he leaves, MS again turns to Virat and places his hand on his shoulder in an attempt to get him to look his way. He momentarily does, more as a reflex, but again lowers his eyes.

"Kasam se, mera irada tujhe hurt karne ka bilkul bhi nai tha. [ _I swear, my intention wasn't at all to hurt you in any way._ ]" He explains himself. "Tere bhale k liye bol raha tha bas. Shayad tareeka galat tha. I'm sorry. [ _I said all that because I care about you. The approach wasn't the best I guess. I'm sorry._ ]"

Virat doesn't respond at all, which is just heartbreaking for MS. He can ask things back, accuse him, hit him if he wants to. But at least speak, speak something, anything. His silence is unbearable.

"Tu kuch bol kyu nai raha hai? [ _Won't you say anything?_ ]" MS asks defeatedly, desperation evident in his voice.

"Cheeku?" Yuvi's voice calls from behind Virat. MS instantly lets go of his hand on Virat's shoulder. "Isko toh chhor denge yahin, par tu toh captain hai. Come on. [ _See we can happily leave him here, but you are the captain now. Come on._ ]"

The bus is leaving and they are the only two left. MS doesn't have much time and he really doesn't want to go into the match with unresolved emotions. And he can't do anything about it if Yuvi keeps interrupting them.

Virat signals to Yuvi that they'll be there in 2 minutes. Okay, MS has got 2 more minutes to make a case for himself. As he is about to speak, Yuvi again turns to them.

"And-"

"-Arre bhai 2 minute doge? Bola na usne 2 minute! [ _Damn it could you give us 2 minutes here? He just said we'll be there in 2 minutes!_ ]"

Whatever Yuvi was about to say, he lost track at MS uncharacteristically shouting at him. He looks more confused than upset, knowing MS. While Virat is holding back his smile at the turn of events.

Yuvi shows MS the finger and leaves wordlessly. MS makes a mental note to apologise to him later.

He again turns his attention to Virat. "Kaan pakdu? Likh k du? Abhi itna kya, Virat? Sorry bol toh raha hu. Aur kaise maafi maangu? [ _Shall I hold my ears? Or a written apology is it? Now come on, Virat? I am apologising to you. How else should I ask for your forgiveness?_ ]"

Virat doesn't speak. He doesn't look up even. They hear the bus horn honking. Guess Yuvi can drive busses as well.

MS has got nothing left to say. He tried everything and still couldn't get his brother's apology. He needs to accept Virat not forgiving him.

"Theek hai. Tera banta hai mujhse naraz hone ka. Maine tera dill dukhaya hai. And I really am sorry about it. [ _Fine. You have every right to be mad at me. I've hurt your feelings. And I really am sorry about it._ ]" He says honestly, stepping back.

"Okay." Virat says, still not looking his way, and leaves towards the bus, and MS is again left standing alone.

*

Virat Kohli has always been the one to leave everything behind him once he steps foot on the field. Whatever goes on in his personal life - good or bad, cannot derail his focus, no matter what.

Which is just inhuman, in MS' humble opinion. How can he not be bothered by, say, having had a spat with his friend last night?

But so has always been the case, and it is no different today. He is his usual self on the field, even talking to MS when needed, albeit their exchanges are completely professional.

MS, on the other hand, is human. He can't just 'turn off', like Virat does. And things like having made his friend cry bother him. He feels like a monster.

But he has come to the match prepared to not interfere with Virat's captaincy this time. The last ODI, which was Virat's first as captain, saw MS taking some calls which were supposed to be taken by the new captain. He hadn't meant to, it was just leftover reflex of a decade long captaincy.

Virat hadn't said anything about it and went ahead with MS' calls. Now MS knows that he wouldn't have objected even if he wanted to - just like he didn't 2 years ago.

But he is determined to make amends, and he will, little by little, starting with this match.

So he completely resigns. He is out there just like a normal team member, performing his role. He may or may not be fighting urges to direct fielders in positions, but no one can tell. And boy Virat did not make it easy for MS! His field placement is hilariously out of place. And all MS can do is watch runs leak by.

Even the mammoth target of 381 set by India looks comfortably chaseable right now. But it's okay, this would teach Virat a few things. Kid has to be on his own at some point. He needs this.

MS controls himself all the way through some 40+ excruciatingly long overs, but as soon as they are in the death overs with very few runs left to defend, MS is correcting the miserable field setting without even realising it. He is engrossed in the game and saving his team to notice that he broke his own promise.

When he does, it's too late. Virat of course says nothing.

*

They reach Kolkata for the 3rd and final match and Virat is still in his own little bubble, never looking MS' way. If the others notice this, they don't voice it. If MS is dying inside, he doesn't let it show either.

With the match tomorrow, MS decides to spend today's evening in his room alone. It's not even entirely evening yet, and he is no mood to interact with people.

"Cheeku kahan hai? [ _Where's Cheeku?_ ]"

The door flings open and Yuvraj Singh appears with this question. MS could swear he'd locked the door. But he is more concerned about changing the channel from Cartoon Network to Discovery Channel in time for Yuvi to catch that. He is also in no mood to explain why he was watching Tom and Jerry.

"Kya hua? [ _What happened?_ ]" He manages out, more as a greeting and less as a demand for the report on the missing person.

"Wo room me nahi hai apne. [ _He's not in his room.]_ " Yuvi doesn't take the cue. "Niche ya aas paas bhi nahi hai. Phone utha nahi raha hai. Bataya bhi nahi kisi ko kuch. Islye puch raha hu tujhe. [ _Not downstairs or nearby either. Isn't picking his phone. Nor did he tell anyone anything. That is why I'm asking you._ ]"

So he can't find Virat. Big deal. But why is he specifically asking MS? "Mujhe kaise pata hoga? [ _Why would I know?_ ]" He retorts, visibly irritated.

"Tujhe pata hai Mahi. Tu uss din usse baat kar raha tha. Suna raha tha na usse kisi baat k liye? Tab se hi chup hai wo. Kya kiya tune aisa? Aur usse pichle din bhi tum dono walk pe gaye the, wo pehle aya aur tu baad me. [ _You do, Mahi. You were talking to him that day. Scolding him for something, weren't you? He's been so quiet ever since. What did you do to him? And the day before when you two went for a walk, he came back before you._ ]"

MS gulps. Yuvi knows.

"What are you, an owl?" He counters back, trying to hide that he is a bit at loss for words. "Arre wo chala jata hai aise walks pe. He likes being alone- [ _Look he likes going on walks and such. He likes being alone_ -]" He stops himself, not this word. "-on his own. Nothing to get worried about." He corrects himself.

"West Indies me bhi ese hi kiya tha usne. [ _He did something like this in West Indies as well._ ]" Yuvi tells him, as if that's supposed to mean anything.

"Zinda wapas aya tha na? [ _Did he not come back alive that time?_ ]" MS argues. Wait, how does Yuvi know? "Tujhe kaise pata? [ _How do you know about that?_ ]"

"Jinks ne bataya. Abhi bhi bas usse hi pata hai. Aur tab Virat phone le k nahi gaya tha. Tu janta hai usse apni Dilli tak me raste yaad nahi rehte. Ye toh Kolkata hai. [ _Jinks told me. Even now, he is the only one apart from you and me who knows of this. And Virat hadn't taken his phone with him that time. You know how bad he is at remembering his Delhi's routes. Kolkata would be a whole new puzzle for him._ ]" Yuvi looks agitated that MS is not taking this seriously.

"Wo Windies me nahi khoya, yahan toh logo ko hindi aati hai bhai. [ _If he didn't get lost without his phone in Windies, this place should be easier to navigate as people can very well reciprocate in Hindi here._ ]" MS again makes a case but Yuvi doesn't humor him at all. Guess he'll have get out of his room after all. "Okay, okay. I think I know where he might be." He gingerly gets up from the bed.

MS leaves the hotel to look for Virat in the places nearby. Quiet places is where he most likely will be brooding, with not a care how much his team mates are worried about him right now. He plans to call Yuvi as soon as he spots him, so his doubts can be put to rest. But he is determined to not approach him, he wants to stay out of Virat's sight as much as possible.

But he soon loses track of his emotions and time when he wanders off pretty far from the hotel with no sign of Virat. He really is worried now. Where could he have gone?

MS stops for breath and sees the beautiful Howrah Bridge in the distance. As he turns, he spots Virat sitting cross legged a little far away, lost in his thoughts. And the first emotion MS feels is - anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how VK has only one one-word dialogue in the entire chapter. :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst! :)

"Where the hell is your phone?"

MS has his voice raised as much as he can without it being considered yelling. He is so, so mad but he can't risk anything, with everything that has happened in the past few days.

Virat flinches and looks up at him. He blinks a few times, gestures to someplace behind him, then stops himself, as if processing what MS just said, clearly derailed off his thought train. MS looks on, puzzled. Let him be done with his antics.

Virat finally pulls out his phone from his back pocket and looks up expectedly. Great, just great.

"So now you put it on silent?"

"The one time I listen to you."

Virat's voice is as lowered as high MS' was. His answer wasn't at all condescending. It's like he did make an effort to improve his shitty to behaviour to less shitty behavior by at least silencing his phone this time, rather than the usual merciless call cutting.

MS stands there, suddenly not knowing what to do. This isn't how he imagined this would go. Virat puts his phone back in his pocket without even checking the blinking notifications. He doesn't look like getting up anytime soon. He looks up at MS, then lowers his eyes. Both stay there, awkwardly looking around.

After some painful moments of silence, Virat looks up again, and invites MS to sit beside him, gesturing with his hand. MS looks back wide eyed.

'What makes you think I'm going to sit beside you and enjoy the damn sunset? After the shit you pulled, I'm dragging your ass back to the hotel is what I am gonna do, you ass!' is what MS wants to say. But immediately sitting by Virat's side is what he does.

They still don't speak. Virat is looking ahead towards the Howrah Bridge. And MS can only look at Virat in awe. He wasn't even looking his way up until now. And just like that, he asks him to sit with him. He really is a kiddo.

But there has to be more to it. He had looked very lost from the moment he spotted him sitting here. MS wants to think that his presence is somewhat comforting to him, through whatever it is that is troubling him.

"Papa yahan aya karte the kaam se. [ _Papa use to come here on work assignments._ ]" Virat speaks at last, still looking ahead. "Mai bhi unke saath ata tha. Aur itni badi baat hoti thi ye mere liye. Dilli se bahar jaana, yahan ki metro me ghoomna. Sirf papa aur mai. [ _I would tag along. And it use to be such a big deal for me. To get out of Delhi, ride in the Metro here. Just Papa and me._ ]"

He has that look of childish glee, which draws a smile from MS as well.

"Hum iss jagah k aas paas hi kahin aake baithte the. [ _It was somewhere around here, we use to come here and sit._ ]" Virat finally turns to him. "Yahin toh thi, pata nai kahan gayi. Maine pichli baar bhi dhoodhne ki koshish ki thi. Par nahi mili. [ _It was here only, that place, but I can't find it now. I tried to search for it the last time I came here as well. Couldn't find it then too._ ]"

Now MS gets it, this is why he is out here. Virat looks away, and lowers his head. "I guess I got lost."

MS knows he didn't mean places with that. And he immediately falls into the role he has had with Virat for years. He puts his hand on his arm. "Shayad yehi ho, tu pehchaan nahi raha hai. [ _Maybe it is the one, you're not recognising it is all._ ]"

"Nahi ye nahi thi. [ _No it isn't._ ]" Virat contradicts. "Did I imagine all of that? Bridge bhi dikhta tha wahan se. I think I imagined it. Pagal ho gaya hu mai. [ _Did I imagine all of that? It had that view of the bridge too. I think I imagined it. I've gone crazy._ ]"

Virat puts his head in his hands. And MS wants to say things to him. But he knows there is more. So he stays quiet, his hand reassuring on Virat's shoulder.

"I just, I miss him so much." His voice is almost a whisper. "Aisa koi din nahi hota, koi moment nahi hota jab unki yaad nahi aati. Specially when I accomplish something on field. Lagta hai wo hote toh kitne khush hote. [ _There Isn't a single day, a single moment that passes when I don't think of him. Specially when I accomplish something on field. All I think of is how happy would he be if he was here._ ]"

He looks into the distance, as if unaware of MS' presence. "Wo mujhe India k liye khelte hue dekhna chahte the. Ab jab aisa hai, toh sab hain, bas wo hi nahi hain apne Virat ko dekhne k liye. [ _He wanted to see me playing for India. Now that I am, everyone is here, except he isn't to see his Virat._ ]"

MS can only look at him, with absolutely no clue of what to say. He knows how attached Virat was to his father, what he meant to him. He knows the story about Virat going out to bat in that match of his first Ranji season right after his father's death. And his performance in that season was what got him into the national team.

But this is all what he has heard. Virat never speaks of him.

"I'm sorry." MS says, helpless.

Virat shrugs, but doesn't look up. "It's just that it's unfair that I am the one who got the least time with him, that too shared." He vaguely waves his hand before continuing. "And I know this is the stupidest thing to say. But that's how I feel."

He is smiling but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. And MS gets it, the place Virat's father held in his life and the hole he must have left. MS' own father is very much a private person, never been expressive much, but his silent support and unconditional love are what made him the person he is today. Heck, he himself is a father. He wants to be everything and more for his children. He gets it.

"Antigua me jab first double banayi thi, tab toh aise lag raha tha jese wo yahin kahin hain, dekh rahe hain mujhe. [ _When I made my first double in Antigua, I honestly felt like he was actually there, watching me._ ]" He pauses for a moment. "And I don't know what the hell was I thinking that night when I went away and sat on the beach, hoping he would just show up out of nowhere. I just sat there and..."

Virat can't bring himself to complete the sentence and faces the other way. But then turns to MS, eyes watering, "I mean, how fuckin' dumb is that?! He's dead, Virat. He's not coming." He shakes his head and shut his eyes close. "Mai sach me pagal ho gaya hu. [ _I really have gone insane._ ]"

MS instinctively reaches to grasp his farther shoulder and hug him sideways. "I am not going to say I understand how you feel. But it's not dumb."

Now this is what the stories never told him. Just how much of a burning agony it is for Virat. MS wishes he could make everything right for his little brother. Somehow have his father see him gracing the blues of the Indian Jersey. But words are all he has.

"Jo tu feel kar raha tha Antigua me, ya Wankhede me, wo islye kyuki wo hain tere saath. Wo hamesha tere saath hi toh hain. [ _What you were feeling in Antigua, or in Wankhede, that's because he is always with you. He is always around you._ ]" He thinks reminding him of the happy moments of his double centuries in Antigua and Wankhede would ease his pain somewhat. "Just close your eyes, and there he is. Nothing dumb about that."

Virat scrubs his face with his hands and sighs. He turns towards MS with a very genuine smile. "You're very kind. Koi aur hota toh ab tak pagal khaane phone kar chuka hota. [ _You're very kind. Anyone else would have phoned the mental hospital by now._ ]"

He laughs bitterly at his own joke. MS looks at him with animated confusion.

"You mean police?"

"No, I did mean mental hospital."

He relaxes back a bit, visibly relieved to have gotten that off his chest. And MS is happy too. But somewhere he feels guilty as well, for how Virat feels right now. He can't shake the feeling away that his absence in the past few days has caused this.

He looks at Virat, thinking of some sort of apology. While Virat tries to engage himself in observing the surroundings. He hums along to the song playing in the not-so-distant shop, though he doesn't look like he is even listening to it.

Before MS can say something, Virat speaks. "Bilkul sahi keh raha hai, bhai. [ _Right on, brother._ ]"

"Kon? [ _Who?_ ]" MS looks around.

"Dutt sahab!" He gestures behind him towards the shop. He is referring to the song playing, from the Guru Dutt classic "Pyaasa". It speaks about how fake the world is, everyone so blinded with grief, envy and resentment.

"Wo ye cheez itne saalo pehle samajh gaye, jo hum ab samajh rahe hain. [ _He had figured this out years ago, what we are getting just now._ ]" Virat says. Guru Dutt indeed was ahead of his times, his films a mirror to the brutal world we live in. "Everyone's fake, everyone's pretending. Nobody cares about nobody."

"Yeah. Aur aisa nahi hai ki kisi aur ki parwah nahi hai, logo ko apni bhi nahi hai. [ _Yeah. And it's not like people don't care for others and that's about it. They don't care for their own selves either._ ]" MS agrees and gives his two cents as well. "Just going through the motions with monotony. Never stepping out and making a difference, you know!"

"They don't do things because they want to, they do them because they have to." Virat adds on, but now MS isn't sure where he is going with this.

"Mere birthday pe sabne wish kia, pics daal k kiya. [ _Everyone wished me on my birthday, posted pics even._ ]" He starts, "but none of them were personal pics. They were from the first line of Google Results.

He rolls his eyes. "Isse toh na hi karte! Lekin nahi, Indian team k captain ko wish karna toh zaroori hai na. [ _Why even bother then, don't! But nope, it's so damn important to wish the Indian team's Captain, you see._ ]" He tried to say it in a jovial tone, but it came out pretty frustrated. And MS so relates with it, having been in that position for far too long. "To be in my good books! When did I become so..."

Distant. Unapproachable. Fearsome. MS wants to say. This is the 'captaincy talk' he was dying to have with Virat, but not like this.

"But I know the ones who meant it." Virat shrugs.

"Your close ones." MS says instinctively.

"Oh not this again!" Virat facepalms himself and looks at him, irritated. "Tum sab yehi dialogue kyu maarte ho yaar? [ _Why do you all dish out this same dialogue all the time?_ ]"

You all? Who else has dared to talk sense into this psycho? The only person who Virat would let do that is Sachin Sir but MS doesn't want to make that guess out loud. Virat couldn't stop for a reply anyway.

"Agar aa bhi gayi Nushie-- [ _So what if I got visited by Nushie_ \--]" He physically stops himself at that. "I mean... Umm... I mean Anu--"

"Hey that is a cute nickname." MS puts him at ease. But he has to admit, kid looks adorable getting all blush-y about something so simple as saying his lady's personal nickname out loud.

"Wo specially tere liye aayi! That's also cute. [ _And she came all the way just for you! That's also cute._ ]" MS adds. Never one to talk personal stuff, but he couldn't stop himself. She came all the way just for his birthday, making time from her maddening crazy schedule. That must feel something.

He doesn't expect a reply, because Virat would rather shoot himself than talk his relationship. But he did expect some sort of reaction. Wasn't it cute? Oh man, he shouldn't have said 'cute'. Who says 'cute' these days?

Virat is facing down, clearing thinking of that day. "Jisko sirf kuch ghante milte ho Madam k time k, usko do poore poore din mil gaye. Lag raha tha marr na jau khushi se! [ _Someone who is allowed only a few hours of Madam's time, was suddenly granted 2 whole days. I thought I'd die of happiness!_ ]" He almost mumbles the words, as if not sure if he wants MS to hear that or not.

But MS cannot hold himself back if Virat is going to say things like that. "Ek toh marne maarne ki baate na kiya kar. [ _First of all, no morbid jokes._ ]"

"Sorry Mom!" He even gives a mocking smile.

"Aur doosri baat, [ _Second,_ ]" MS ignores and continues, "kya problem hai teri? Ab wo tere liye aayi, usme bhi bol raha hai. [ _what is your problem? Now that she did something for you, you're whining about that too._ ]"

"Bhaiya aapki kya problem hai? [ _What is your problem Bhaiya?_ ]" He snaps. "Aap kyu itni side lete ho uski? Aisa kya kar diya usne, mai jaan na chahta hu. [ _Why are you so adamantly on her side? What exactly has she done to warrant this, I wanna know._ ]"

He pretends to wait for a reply from MS. But then anger takes over. "You don't know shit! You haven't the faintest idea what I've been thr--"

He holds his hands up and looks away, willing himself from revealing more. And honestly, MS doesn't want to know either. He should not have asked. This is their personal matter.

"No seriously, text her right now that I've gone missing or fainted or anything." Virat cannot stop himself now. "Uska reply ayga - "busy hu baad me baat karti hu". [ _Her reply will be "Busy, talk later"._ ]" He makes a mocking imitation of her. He really can be mean when he wants to be.

"Standard, staple. I've heard, read, received and felt every possible variation of this broken sentence so many fucking times that I've lost count. And it kills me every single time."

He closes his eyes. "Lagta hai kya karu aisa jo wo dekhe meri taraf... [ _It's like what do I do that will get her to look my way_...]"

He leans back and continues in a monologue sort of way. "I always thought the worst thing is liking someone and them not liking us back. Because there's always that 'what if they were ours'. But really, the worst thing is having someone and not having them."

Even if MS wants to react, he just won't risk angering him more. Whatever he is saying is clearly jumbled bits and pieces of a 3 and half year long relationship and a wholesome picture cannot be made out of it. Neither does Virat want him to make sense of it, MS thinks. He is just venting out, never having had this luxury before.

But this is all just very unsettling. MS has met her. She is a lovely, lovely person. Her energy and enthusiasm is so infections, and Virat gets so quiet and shy in her presence (and that's saying something). She is definitely not what his words make her seem right now, however jumbled his information may be.

"She is a good person." MS says cautiously.

"Of course she is. That's why I love her, no?" Virat again snaps. Can't win with this guy. "Maine aisa toh nahi kaha! [ _I didn't say otherwise._ ]"

MS wants to knock his head off because his words totally implied otherwise, but he stays quiet. Let him rant. And his expressions don't match his words either. He is smiling, although very faintly.

"Jab bhi uske saath hota hu, sab turn off ho jata hai. She is magic. Lagta hai bas aise hi kyu nai ho sakta hamesha k liye. [ _When I'm with her, everything else gets turned off. She is magic. And all I'd wish for, against all hope, is to stay in that moment forever._ ]" Virat doesn't dare look up, fiddling with the grass in his hands, but MS can see his smile, this one definitely reaching his eyes. "And she doesn't even have to do anything. She'd just be rehearsing her lines or something and I'd just stand there like idiots, drinking her in."

He has his eyes closed, obviously reminiscing a particular memory. Then looks towards MS, smile vanished.

"And I screw it up everytime. Because I'm a fuckin' idiot, that's why!" He answers MS' unasked question. "If it's any consolation, mai khud pareshan hu apne aap se. [ _If it's any consolation, I too am tired of myself._ ]"

MS shakes his head. Good to know he drives himself mad just as much as he does everyone else around him. MS had no idea he even realised this. Knowing this now certainly puts his antics in a different light, though MS isn't sure good or bad.

But this is infinetely more information than he has ever shared about his personal life. This can only mean that he will change the topic in 3, 2,

"Pata hai mai kya soch raha hu? [ _You know what I've been thinking?_ ]"

MS smiles to himself and nods.

"Mai soch raha hu babaji ban jau. [ _I'm thinking of becoming a hermit._ ]"

"I'm sorry what?"

"Babaji nahi pata aapko kya hote hain? [ _You don't know what a hermit is?_ ]" Virat asks sincerely and MS looks back, dumbfounded.

"Nahi bhai, tu hi bata de. [ _Please enlighten me._ ]" MS does but what even is he talking about?!

"Arre jo, jo Himalaya me baith k dhyaan magn karte hain! [ _The ones who, who go into the Himalayas and meditate spiritual stuff!_ ]" He explains earnestly as if he really believes that MS doesn't know what that means. And MS isn't sure if that sentence was grammatically correct even.

"Aise. [ _Like him._ ]" Virat, to explain further, points to the tattoo on his left forearm, visible through his folded t-shirt sleeve, the one that has Lord Shiv meditating in the Kailash mountains. MS' eyes widen. So that was the rationale behind getting that tattoo?

Wait, no! What is he thinking?! This is one of Virat's pranks. How could MS fall for that? He leans back. "Oh so that's why the beard! Abhi se preparation me hai tu toh. Kab nikal rahe hain aap, kal? [ _Oh so that's why the beard! You are well into your preparations I see. When do you leave Sir, is it tomorrow?_ ]"

MS is grinning, but Virat looks back at him like he has just been punched in the gut.

"...Mazak lag raha hai na? Jab chala jaunga, tab yaad karoge. [... _It's funny to you? You won't be laughing when I'll be gone for good._ ]"

MS' smile vanishes. Is he freakin serious? The tattoo was because he worships Lord Shiv, right? But then he could have gotten any tattoo relating to the the God. Why get the one where he is meditating? Holy...

"Tu serious hai? [ _Are you serious?_ ]"

"Why do you think I'm not?" Virat says as if there is literally no other conclusion to be made. "I've nothing holding me back here. Might as well find some peace of mind."

MS blinks.

"Ishwar ki praapti. Mai toh kehta hu aap bhi karo. Sab moh maaya hai bhaiya! [ _Realisation of God. I say you should become one as well. All is illusion Bhaiya._ ]"

"Abey chup! [ _Shut up!_ ]" MS snaps at him. And Virat is visibly taken aback, but instead of arguing or contradicting, he nods at once and quietly looks ahead. He really is working on that behavior thing. But so is MS, so he calms himself down, and asks the first thing that comes to his mind. "Teri Maa ka kya hoga? [ _Have you thought about your mother?_ ]"

"Marne nai ja raha hu. [ _It's not like I'm going away to kill myself or anything._ ]" Virat says casually. Again with the morbid jokes. "Aur mai toh wese bhi hamesha bahar hi rehta hu. Ek hi baat hai. Aarav aur Mehek hain na unke liye. Apparently, mera intellect toh bacho jitna hi hai. [ _And I'm not at home most of the time anyway. It's more or less the same thing. Besides, she has got Aarav and Mehek for her. Apparently, my intellect is hilariously equivalent of children._ ]" He says in a condescending tone. He is never letting that go.

"She won't even notice the difference." Virat says and all MS wishes is to knock some sense into him. Staying away from home because you represent your country in International Sports is not the same as living away on snow capped mountains. And his nephew and niece are not what he is to his mother. And his intellect is not equivalent of a child. Although that screwed up logic he just presented definitely makes it feel so.

"Aur teri Nushie? [ _And what about your Nushie?_ ]" MS asks, suddenly feeling desperate. Is he really gonna go away, just like that? Is he really?

"Acha hai uske liye toh, chhutkara mil jaega mere se. [ _Great for her, good riddance from me._ ]" Virat says as calmly.

Oh god, he is just not getting it. "Ek do sache dost tere-- [ _One or two real friends of yours_ \--]"

"Kyu tension le rahe ho aap? Koi miss nahi karne waala hai mujhe. [ _Why are you getting so worked up? No one's going to miss me._ ]" Virat cuts him off. "So one person decided to quit this fake world, what difference does it make?"

"Zindagi k mele, duniya me kam na honge. Afsos hum na honge. [ _All these grand carnivals of life, will never cease to exist. Alas I wouldn't be a part of any._ ]"

He says the song lines as if reciting a poem in front of an audience. And MS doesn't know what to say. Virat doesn't expect a reply too, it seems, as he leans forward and looks ahead.

"Tu.. Matlab... [ _So you_... _You really_...]" MS tries to make sense but fails.

Virat sighs and shakes his head. "Kal nai ja raha hu. Ek idea hai bas. [ _It's not like I'm leaving first thing in the morning. It's just an idea._ ]" He looks towards MS to make sure he is okay. "If I am not settled by the time I retire, for which, there is like, a 100% chance, then this is something I would love to explore. I've always been fascinated with monks and their culture."

And MS' gaze instinctively moves towards the tattoo of a monastery Virat has on his forearm, close to the Lord Shiv one. He had gotten these tattoos a long while back. How long has he been thinking of all this?

"Look," Virat tries to explain from a different angle, seeing MS' restlessness. "Cricket is what gives my life meaning, it makes me happy. When I leave that behind, what am I gonna do? I thought maybe this could be it. Finding myself."

He is still looking at MS, waiting, or perhaps wanting him to say something.

"When you put it like that." MS finally finds his voice. Because this reasonable explanation is what he should have started with, not spring it on him the way he did! "Sounds, umm..."

"Reasonable."

"No. No... Not Crazy."

Virat chuckles. Okay, he is not leaving first thing in the morning. He is still here. This is something he wants to explore, and it does sound worth exploring. Maybe MS can go on trips like that too. Just trips. No harm in that. MS allows himself to relax.

But he isn't that lucky. His phone vibrates with a text:

"TIME TO INFORM THE FBI"

Yuvi! He completely forgot about him.

"This is what you do to us." MS shows Virat the message. "Chal ab, aaj k liye itna kaafi hai. [ _Come on let's go, this is enough for today._ ]"

Virat laughs at Yuvi's text as they both get up. "In my defense, maine Jinks ko bataya tha. Usne suna nai bas. Headphone laga rakhe the. [ _In my defense, I did tell Jinks. He hadn't heard me though. He had his headphones on._ ]"

What? Wasn't Jinks the one looking around with Yuvi?!

How, just how did MS end up with this gang of utter maniacs?

"Saare cartoon bhare hue ho, kasam se. [ _Bunch of cartoons you all are, by god._ ]" He says and Virat laughs at that too, which, MS would admit, is uncharecterstic for Virat, but he is not going to question it. He is laughing heartily, he is in a good mood - why would MS question that.

They walk together to what they think would be the way to the hotel. And Virat is at it with his comments on everything along the way, cracking jokes and what not. He even reminds MS to buy gifts for Ziva (and the dogs, of course) - something MS had entirely forgotten.

No one can tell this kid was crying over his father an hour ago, or making full fledged plans of becoming a godforsaken hermit. MS doesn't think he has ever seen him this vulnerable. And it isn't lost on him that he is the only one who Virat would let see that side of him. The least he can do is not make him regret it.

He is still not sure about Virat holding on his own, certainly not after whatever happened today. But the hard truth is that he is going to have to do that at some point, sooner rather than later. And MS sees that he is trying. He really is. And that alone is assurance enough for him.

It kills him that they don't have much time left. But whatever they have, MS will use it to help Virat in everyway he can. He promises himself to never turn his back on him, let him feel alone. Because he is not. Virat will be fine. And if he isn't, his brother is always there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Guru Dutt song - www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m8iy7Wx4ZE  
> The song whose lines Virat speaks - www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCCPwTj4vLk


End file.
